This first year of motherhood I’ve neglected my husband

Motherhood has completely changed me that at times I don’t remember who I was before I had my son. Looking back at this first year, I admit I’ve neglected my husband. I’m not the same wife. To my husband: I want you to know that I appreciate, respect and value everything you do for us. I’m sorry I don’t say it enough.

Living with a newborn is living in a haze

You’re learning how to be a parent: how to care, nurture, feed, bathe, clothed and soothe a baby. You’re sleep-deprived and learning to adapt to this new life. If you have an employment, you’re learning how to balance it all and if you’re a stay-at-home mom, you’re learning how to take on this new role. You’re in a constant battle with your old VS. new self. You’re trying to accept this new postpartum body while trying to get back to pre-baby activities. Unfortunately, your husband becomes last on your list. 

I hand him the baby and say: “Your turn”

As soon as my husband walks in the door, I hand him the baby and say: “Your turn”. I don’t greet him, ask how his day was, how’s the business, the clients, how was the commute and most importantly, how are you. I’m off to do something and catch a break from mommyhood. When he calls me from work, he might catch me at a bad time and I’ll go on a rant or snap at him. At night, half the time, the baby is in our bed and the other half, I’m too exhausted to tend to him. Date nights? Very rare since we don’t have a sitter. 

 

My husband is also learning how to adapt to his new role

As the sole provider, he has to financially provide for his family. He has to run his business and deal with the stresses of being the owner. He’s a new father learning how to be a role model to our son. He’s learning how to tend to his wife during this postpartum. And just like me, struggling with his new identity. Husband, I’m sorry if it seems like I don’t understand you and that I don’t give you enough attention. I been so wrapped up with being a new mom. I know you have a lot on your plate and I forget to verbally express my gratitude. So now that the first year of parenthood is behind us, we can say we’ve survived. Time to catch up on some sleep (yeah, right) and prioritize mommy and daddy time. 

For the women reading this who don’t have kids yet, know that having children can unintentionally distance a couple. For the wives that can relate, it becomes so easy for us to neglect our husbands, unintentionally. We assume that they are ok and if they express their needs, we automatically get defensive and say: “What about our needs”. Marriage is hard work but we can’t wait until we are empty nesters to care for our spouse. If you’re like me and realized that you haven’t been the best wife you could be, let’s change that now. 

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