Women choose to get pregnant for many reasons, but we should never have to explain nor justify those reasons. When I found out I was pregnant with my son, the first people I told were my college friends. It was a shock to them. I had been married for 8 years and honestly, people thought we would never have a kid. One person (now a former friend) judged me for one of my reasons. To clarify, she is no longer my friend for many reasons, but this being one of them. I believe this particular reason is common among some women, so I want to share my story.
One day, I was reflecting on my present and future
I started thinking about having children. But before I had a conversation with my husband, I needed to know why I could possibly want kids. Well here it is. One of the reasons is because I wanted to make my husband a father.
My husband never pressured me to have kids. He said that he would like to have kids but only if I wanted to and that he supported me in whatever decision I made. Most importantly, that he would never blame nor resent me for it. He expressed his love and admiration for me and said that when the time was right, we could discuss it. It took me months to think about it. I would observe my husband. I loved seeing him interact with kids. It pointed out his amazing qualities that I wanted our kid to have.
Although I knew he truly meant that he supported me if I chose not to have kids, I didn’t want him to miss out on being a dad
I knew he would be a great father because he is an amazing husband and nothing would make me happier than to make him the father of my children. I had visions of our family vacations, trips to the park, zoo, aquarium, Disney parks, etc. I visioned our lives of sport competitions, dance recitals, school meetings, college graduations, etc.
When I told this to my friend, she went off on a rampant. She said that was a wrong reason to have kids. That I had to think about how much my life, body and mind would change and I needed to think about myself first. While I reminded her that it wasn’t the only reason, she proceed to make is seem like I was wrong. I felt defeated and angry for having to justify myself. I was confused as to why she had reacted that way and had ruined my moment. She was my friend and was supposed to be happy for me.
After awhile I realized that some people, no matter how “close” they are, will somehow manage to rain on your parade
. People will criticize and judge your decisions. And what makes one person happy, might be misunderstood by others. We all have our own opinions and thoughts about having children and there is no “right” nor “wrong” answer. Parenthood is a personal choice. Why is it so hard to understand that some people really do want children and some people don’t.
I am so blessed and thankful for my son and for being pregnant again. It fills my heart with love and joy to see my husband in this role as a father. I enjoy ever single moment I spend with my family and I am proud of my husband. Ladies, don’t ever feel like you have to defend your decisions to anyone; always do what feels right to you.