Once you have your first child, the second million dollar question is: “When are you having another kid?”

The million dollar question couples get asked is, “When are you having kids?” Once you have your first child, the second million dollar question is: “When are you having another kid?” Everyone can have an input, but those questions should be addressed by the couple (in private). You have to be raw and honest with yourself (most importantly) and with your partner. 

When we got married, my husband and I both agreed that we didn’t want to have children right away

We both had our individual goals and goals as a couple that we wanted to accomplish. Eight years later, we both decided we wanted to have a child. Well it seems like the minute I gave birth, people were already asking me when I planned to have another child. When was I going to try for a girl. When was I going to give my son a sibling. People can be very invasive and nosy and no matter what answer you give them, it will be the wrong answer because it’s not what they want to hear. But family planning is a complicated topic. 

There are couples that don’t want children and get harassed and judged for their “selfish” decision

Some couples only want to have one child and they get judged for their “selfish” decision and why that’s gonna negatively effect the child and how they will regret not giving them siblings. There are couples that want large families but received negative backlash for having too many kids. Regardless of the situation, what gives people the right to judge your decision and want to force their ideals?

There are many factors to consider when family planning

There is the financial factor of how will you support those kids, provide a stable future and afford college tuitions? There is the social factor of being pressured by friends and family to make a certain decision. There is the personal factor of how it will affect you as a mother, you as a father, your personal goals, career, and you as an individual. And of course your marriage. How does that impact the relationship? Many couples don’t even address those questions because one person may have a completely different answer. One person may be firm in their decision of not wanting children and therefore disappointing the person that does want to have more children. 

Let’s address our past, present and future circumstances

Some couples may currently be dealing with issues in their relationship, is adding another child the best decision There might be money problems or employment problems; one person could be out of a job or wanting to go back to school; is adding another child the best decision? Perhaps someone is planning a career change, or wanting to move to another city, is adding another child the best decision?

When talking to my husband about family planning, we had open, deep, raw and honest conversations.

We made sure to be in the right mind space and to be truthful with each other. We made sure we weren’t distracted by our surroundings. We tried not to argue and if at some point either one of us was upset, we cooled down and addressed it at a later moment. But most importantly, I had a deep conversation with myself. I took my husband’s feedback and analyze it but then I made sure to address my inner thoughts. I didn’t talk to a friend or family member because at the end of the day, it was a decision I wanted to make only with my husband’s input. Don’t be afraid to ask the tough questions and don’t be afraid to answer honestly.  

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