When are you gonna have kids? How many kids do you want? The questions regarding kids never stop and to most people it’s an uncomfortable topic that annoys and angers them. It has never bothered me because I have tough skin and I’m quick to let people know when I don’t want to talk about something. When I had my son, people asked me about having a second child and now that I’m pregnant, people are already asking about a third child (insert eye roll emoji). So let me explain my decision to have a second child.
The topic of having kids depends on your current stage in life
When I got married, I was in my early 20s and I didn’t want kids. I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish beforehand. Growing up with strict Mexican parents, I was finally free to make my own choices, live the way I wanted, go where I wanted, spend on whatever I wanted and be whomever I wanted. Luckily my husband was my hype man and excited to go on this wild ride with me. When I turned 30, after ups and downs in my personal and professional life, I decided to have a child. However, I told my husband that I only wanted one kid. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I had no idea how much life would change. I had no idea how much I would change.
When my son turned 1, I reflected on whether or not I wanted another child
After months of deep conversations with my husband, we were both onboard. I love being a mom, I am blessed and proud of the mother I am. Thats why I started my mommy blog, because I want to help, support, and encourage moms. But as much as I love motherhood, I realized what fear was holding me back from having another child: failure.
I don’t have a relationship with my sibling and my husband doesn’t have a relationship with his sibling
I feared that we would make the same mistakes our parents did and that our kids would end up hating each other and resent us. I feared I would fail to create that bond between them. I don’t want to create a division between my kids. I don’t want to favor one over the other. I don’t want to be strict with one and lenient with the other. I don’t want to spoil one and deprive the other. I don’t want to create jealousy. I don’t want to fail my children.
But my husband and I are not our parents
We will make our own mistakes. We are a team and will do our best to raise amazing humans. We won’t allow each other to fail as parents. But then again, we can’t predict the future. We don’t know what type of relationship our kids will have with each other. We don’t know what type of people they will become. We can’t let our fears stop us from living. We have to believe in ourselves. And when they fight and throw it in my face that I don’t get along with my sibling? Yes, I’m already dreading that conversation, but I have plenty of time to come up with something.
When people ask me if I want to have more kids, I tell them the truth; I don’t know. I’m currently pregnant and my life is about to drastically change again. I will now be the mom of two and this time around, I will experience life with a baby girl. I don’t know how I will feel about more kids in 1,2 or 5 years from now. I don’t know what stage of my life I’ll be in. I don’t know where I’ll be professionally or economically. I don’t know how my husband will feel. What I do know is that it’s my decision. And people, please stop asking when someone is going to have kids and how many they will have.